“…But I labored more abundantly than they all, yet not I, but the Grace of God which was with me.”1
I labor more than my cousins, I labor more than some of my friends. I labor more than my past self. I labor more as a child of God. I push down emotions that most people let take over. I become weak, so I can experience the strength of God; yet humility makes me feel small. When I want to be big and empowered. I am small. I put the Word of God first, hoping it is the solution I have hoped for. The answer I’ve heard of.
I think I labor incorrectly. I think my thoughts are distorted. I think I have a thorn somewhere that I cannot pinpoint which is driving me insane. I am working in vain. I am trying to justify who I am by my actions and beliefs. I am trying to be the best I can be, but I am falling apart. I try everyday a little, but harder and end up falling a little bit harder. I am hurting because I am confused when it comes to the voice of God, I long to be with Him; yet cannot seem to keep myself in His presence.
I try and it seems that I cannot try hard enough. Then I read this verse. “Yet not I, but the Grace of God which was with me.” Does this mean that I am not the one that is laboring? The walking I do, it’s not me, but the Grace of GOD? When I rebuke emotions from my flesh and think of God and what His word says about walking with those emotions, its not my work, but the Grace of GOD? When I am kind and I suffer through social exchanges/interactions, is it not because I am good and kind, but because of the grace of God in me? Is all my good works all because of God’s grace? Not me?
What does that mean for me moving forward? I am conscious now that it is not me. How can I make sure to not stumble? I want to keep being kind, to rebuke that which is not from God, to say no to evil and my flesh’s lusts. I want to keep walking in righteousness. I want my place with God. So next time I am with my friend and I begin to feel stressed I need to remember I can extend love, I can endure, I can practice patience because the Grace of God2 is in me, not because I am able myself. Will this make me stronger? Will this prove Your word saying, “My strength is made perfect in weakness.”3 I ask, how can I prevent this weakness from taking over?
Not you.
Do You promise? If Your Word is true4, I can trust it and stands forever5 while Your promises are Yes and Amen, then I will let it go. I will be, so You can work.
My book asked me what is it you’re begging God to deliver you from? Myself. I am making myself confused, deteriorated. I know that the only thing that can stop me is myself. So I want to be delivered from myself. I want to experience Paul’s words, “it is no longer I who live, but Jesus.”6
Index
1- 1 Corinthians 15: 10 KJV
2- James 4: 6 AMP
3- 2 Corinthians 12: 9 AMP
4- 2 Corinthians 1: 20 AMP
5- Isaiah 40: 8 AMP
6- Galatians 2: 20 AMP